It's February...
Oh !!! time never stopped as long as one was alive; it kept flowing endlessly like a river stream. People who lived a good and happy life often worried about how quickly time flew by. But paradoxically, for those living with depression, severe health issues, or deep suffering, time felt mercurial. They did not really care about how fast time passed. Instead, they kept thinking about when their suffering would finally end, wishing time would move faster so they would not have to endure the pain for long.
During that time, BT and I were called by Madam to our former college to do some work in the Mathematics Department. The task was related to organizing mathematics books that were to be kept in the library. We had to re-write all the details properly : the book titles, authors, publishers, references, and codes. BT checked and read out the details carefully, and I wrote everything neatly in the register book.
Having that work made me feel like I finally had something to do, and it made me happy in a quiet way. Being busy gave me a sense of purpose, and because of that, I did not feel like I was just lying in bed all the time. That small responsibility brought some relief for some days. But somehow, even now, I have not gone back to college and have not finished the work either.
One afternoon, da SK called me and said, “Let’s go to RIMS. Mabok met with an accident.” I was shocked and kept thinking, “What is happening again?” We went to RIMS together. Thankfully, it was not very serious, but we stayed in the hospital for some hours as Mabok needed treatment and observation.
Before leaving the hospital, I went to the new OPD block area and noticed a flex banner about the ABHA app. Seeing it suddenly brought back memories. I had a small flashback about the ABHA app and how useful it actually is.
After that, I returned home and went straight to bed. I lay there completely exhausted. Just when I thought I could finally rest, someone called out from the gate. Inside my mind, I thought, “Oh no, who is calling now when I am already so tired?”
My mother opened the gate, and to my surprise, it was none other than my lovely English teacher, Sir Bebeka. I was truly shocked and happy at the same time.
I said, “Sir, please come in, have a seat. Let’s eat something.”
Sir smiled and replied, “No, no, I only want to drink some water.”
Then he asked me gently, “Why did you not come to class? You did not even say it was your last day or anything. You left so silently. We all felt sad. It has been many days since December. I heard that you were unwell too. Are you okay now?”
Sir also mentioned the Book Fair Exhibition held last year at Manipur State Central Library. Hearing that, I did not know whether to smile or stay quiet. I felt happy and sad at the same time.
I stood there, surprised and emotional. I kept thinking, “Who told Sir that I was not well? How did he even know my address?” When he mentioned the Book Fair, some memories returned all at once.
Sir also added, “You came to me early on New Year’s morning, greeted me, and sought my blessings. Unfortunately, after that day, I have not seen you return, B*****. When will you come again? If you are facing any difficulty, you may always share it with me.”
On that day, before meeting Sir, BT and I woke up very early in the morning and went to Nambol to meet and greet Madam Rag.
I replied, “Sir, I am fine now. Someday I will surely come to class again. These days, I have many responsibilities. There are some family problems too. My brother and my mother often fall sick, so I have to manage things at home. That is why I have been a bit busy.”
Before leaving, Sir noticed spinach(palangchak, Popeye’s favorite food) growing in our small kitchen garden. I told Sir that someday I would bring spinach to his house myself.
What a humble and kind teacher he is. Because of you, Sir, today I am able to write this blog little by little. I miss the time when you used to tell stories in class, especially on days when no one else came. After class, I used to buy samosas from Bamon Leikai. That memory also came back to me suddenly, mixed with emotions.
Before Sir left, once again, we shook hands. I told him that someday I might come back and rejoin the class.
09.02.2026
At around 3:00 P.M. I went to Patsoi and ate at one of the restaurants there. The pasta was truly delicious and comforting. After that, I rode to Salam for my mother and bought tharoi, nga marum bora, and nga ataoba. That place is quite popular and is sometimes shown on YouTube channel. It is also known as “Salam gi Nga Marum Bora Yonfam” and is about ten kilometers from my house.
On my way back, BT called me and said, “Can you come to the Sanakeithel area near Tanthapolis? My vehicle is not working.”
I replied, “Yeah, why not, buddy. Just wait for a few minutes.”
I returned home, gave the things I bought to my mother, and then left again to meet BT. While riding, I suddenly remembered Tanthapolis Theatre. I missed the time when I had once watched a movie there with someone special. That memory appeared out of nowhere and stayed with me for a while.
I met BT, who was with his girlfriend, and there was also another couple with them. BT introduced me to his friends. I offered everyone a cup of tea, and we talked for some time. After that, BT fixed his vehicle himself, almost like a mechanic. Finally, it started working. BT, his girlfriend, and I went to SAHS to drop her off. The other couple left after tea. After dropping BT’s girlfriend, both of us went to buy chicken and pork curry for him and my brother, not for myself this time. After that, I returned home. After the meal, BT said, “Goodbye, see you soon again,” and we shook hands, just like we used to do every time before leaving college(college days).
10.02.2026
BT and I went to my maternal uncle’s house to pay my due amount for marup. On the way, we discussed which route to take and decided to go through the Lamdeng side because we wanted to enjoy the beauty of that road. I drove his vehicle, but after driving for about 5km, I suddenly remembered and said, “Bro, I forgot to bring the marup passbook. It needs to be signed.”
Since the system is well organized, payment cannot be accepted without the passbook. He laughed and said, “Which dimension are you living in?” and added jokingly, “oiraroi oiraroi adunadi adum.” We both laughed and turned the vehicle back.
While returning, he shared one of his university stories. He said, “You know that small MI bag I bought using your address during our college days?” I replied, “Yep.” He continued, “One day, I searched everywhere at home for that bag for hours and finally realized that I had left it in the university classroom.” We both laughed loudly.
We then ate two parathas at a People Canteen in the bazar. After that, he dropped me home and said again, “See you soon.”
From the 11th to the 13th, I did not stay at home much. I also went to class for therapy during those days.
14.02.2026
Days continued to pass, but the mind remained stagnant.
My brother and I went to our maternal uncle’s house again to pay due marup peisa. MamMo felt very happy to see us. We talked about many things, and Nene joined the conversation too. They prepared bora and kanghou, our local Manipuri food, and served it with tea. It was very delicious.
Before leaving, I said, “I will meet you soon, Mammo and Nene. Today, we want to head home early.”
They smiled and asked, “Today is Valentine’s Day. Don’t you both have someone?”
We were speechless for a moment, then smiled and replied, “No,we dk, not yet.”
They smiled and said it was okay, just joking. They said goodbye, asked us to drive slowly, and told us to take care.
Suddenly, I remembered something the last day at class when my mentor asked me, “Will you come to class tomorrow?” I said yes and asked, “What is tomorrow, Sir?” He replied, “Nothing, okay, okay.”
Later, I realized what he was talking about indirectly and laughed to myself.
At night, Mama called me and asked where I was on the 11th,12th & 13th. I said I was somewhere. She scolded me, and my mother and I argued a lot that day.
15.02.2026
Sunday, I woke up at 1 a.m. and could not sleep again.
In the morning, my mother woke me up and asked me to drop her at Nagamapal Auto Parking. I dropped her, but on the way, we did not talk to each other. She went to Mabok’s house because Bachou had a severe infection. Bachou has been undergoing dialysis since 2017. I wish Bachou a long life and hope to see Chiche’s wedding ceremony with a happy smile on his face.
I felt dull, lonely, and tired. I tried to sleep at home, but I could not rest.
I had an earlier plan with a genuine person whom I had recently come to know. I called and went to a restaurant in the Thangmeiband area. Being surrounded by people made me feel better. I felt happy because I could talk freely. We talked about interesting topics like the NEET exam, the MBBS course, and even government formation too.
After that, when I was heading back home, BT called me and asked me to pick him up, as his vehicle was being used by his friend. Without cancelling, I went to the place near Tulsi Motors, Thangmeiband. I picked him up, and we went to my house. BT then suggested that we go to the Uripok area, where his vehicle and his friend were.
When I went there, I remembered the time when I had come to that place to buy skin medicine prescribed by a doctor. That medicine was not available in the bazaar, so I had come there through contacts from a few friends.
After that, I went to RIMS to ask about my most beloved friend’s mother’s health and wished her a speedy recovery.
I returned home hoping to rest, but BT and LL called me and asked me to eat at a hostel. I asked, “Whose hostel?” LL told me he had shifted to a rented place in Keishampat and said, “Bring rice; I will arrange the curry.” Even though I was exhausted, I agreed.
After some time, LL, BT, and one of BT’s friends came to pick me up. When I reached the rented room, I was shocked. We all laughed. The room was very small, partitioned with plywood, and only about six feet wide, with very little space to sit properly. LL said he found it through Meta(formerly Facebook), and we laughed again.
After the meal, we decided to drink lemon tea. Later, BT and I felt like going for a long ride. We discussed going either to Kakching or Moirang. I requested, “Do me a favor today. Let’s go to Moirang.” They agreed, and we drove happily.
We talked a lot about life, career, and even love. Since I do not talk much, I sat at the back with BT’s friend. I felt that my silence might seem strange, but it is just my habit(Sorry for that). Later, when we stopped to buy fuel, BT said, “Hey, talk together. Let’s enjoy the drive.” I smiled, thinking about how things were unfolding that night.
After crossing Shinushiphai, we turned left onto a narrow road. On both sides were fields and ponds, and in the middle was a quiet road. The place was beautiful and peaceful. I asked them to stop so we could look around. When I checked the time, it was 10:59 p.m.
We later drove along the INA side toward Sendra, took pictures near Loktak, and returned by the same route. At that time, it was 11:38 p.m. I had many missed calls from my brother, so I messaged him, “Please sleep well, bro. I will come soon.”
During the journey, LL slept beside me, while I stayed awake. We talked deeply about life. BT’s friend asked me jokingly, “Did you drink with BT?” I laughed, realizing that my way of speaking made them think so.
We stopped for lemon tea at Kwakeithel, one of my favorite places. After that, we went to our friend AL’s coffee shop and drank lemon tea again. We dropped LL at his house, but he did not sleep at his rented place that night. Finally, BT and his friend dropped me home at around 1:16 a.m.(16.02.2026)
16.02.2026
That day, my mother asked ,
“Where were you going so late last night? What were you doing? Do you understand your actions? Is this good for your life? Don’t you have a purpose? You are rarely at home, do you think this is what life is meant to be? Do you think you are fully grown now? Are you using unwanted stuff or anything like that?”
I replied, “I know what I am doing. Please don’t ask me anything right now. I am not harming anyone, and I have never used what you all are talking about , so please don’t interfere and don’t bother me. And please don’t ever talk to me about that , I have never used them in my life. I know my purpose and everything. Please don’t ask me such questions again and again. I do have a purpose in life”
Unfortunately, my response led to a heated argument between my mother and me that day.
My brother also spoke against me out of concern, and I argued with him as well.
Looking back now, I realize that my words and my tone hurt both of them.
I am truly sorry to both of you. I am trying to focus, grow, and become better with time. I believe that someday things will improve.
21.02.2026
Waking up early, I dropped Ema at the auto parking in Nagamapal, as usual.
Before leaving, I used a little toner with sunscreen - just a small amount. If I use too much, it will finishes quickly so I use it by little little amount. I don’t really like using these kinds of things, but I’m trying to make it a daily routine, a small act of self-care.
In the afternoon, while riding back with one of my new mates, we started talking. He lives close to our Leikai.
Suddenly, he asked me, “Do you know the place where some old ladies sell singju, bora, paknam(our Manipuri local food)?”
I replied, “I don’t know the exact place.”
Then he added, “Near that place, there’s also RO water refilling.”
I was quite surprised. In my mind, I thought, What’s going on these days? It feels like the universe is making me remember old memories.
I told him, “Yes, I know that place. Two friends of mine and I(whom I met previous year at one coaching centre but I didn't mention the institute name) we used to cross that road often and eat there too. I rarely go there now, even though it’s part of my Leikai. That road and place hold so many memories. And suddenly, you made me remember all of them.”
He also added," Where are they right now?"
I replied," idk right now, we haven’t contacted each other for months, but their memories stay with me haha."
One new mate named D also gets dropped off at the parking area, but rarely, since our timings don’t match, so we don’t usually meet. He’s from Sekmai. When I think about this therapy class, you are also one of the people I would like to mention.
22.02.2022
It’s Sunday. I opened my books where I had roughly written about what had been happening these days, this and that. After reading some of it, I started writing this on my pad. I usually use my tablet only on Sundays, as recommended.
In the afternoon, while I was thinking and writing, my phone suddenly rang loudly. It surprised me. The call was from Bik.
He said, “I will come to pick you up. Let’s go to Moirang by two wheeler.”
I felt confused and replied,
“Eh, it’s too cold. We might get ill. Going by car would be better.”
But he refused and insisted on going by two wheeler. I smiled and replied,
“Okay,” and added, laughing, “Haha, you will get cold.”
Bik had come back from Delhi after one year. I thought to myself that he would probably talk about this and that, about Delhi and everything else.
I decided to stop writing the blog for a while as they were coming. I planned to continue writing after coming back home.
But then, Bik and one of his friends came surprisingly to my house and told me to get dressed and go out with them. I got ready, and we went to Al Hayet. We ate biryani and plain paratha with chicken curry, all treated by Bik. It tasted delicious. I suddenly realized that I hadn’t been to Al Hayet since 2024.
Wait, wait. Bik kept saying “Delhi dadi” again and again. Haha.
After leaving the Al Hayet restaurant, while on our way back, Bik started feeling cold because he was wearing a light jersey. He said it wouldn’t be suitable to go to Moirang by two wheeler. BT and I laughed because earlier we had already told him that it wouldn’t be easy to go like that in the cold.
On the way back, BT and I went to meet PP, a friend of ours. We called her and met her at the front gate of Hostel Number 4, where she stays. We talked for some time, joked around, and laughed.
PP then asked me,
“Did you get drunk? You always say you are busy. What are you doing? And why do you come to MU only at night and not during the daytime?”
BT supported me and said,
“We just want to keep our profile low as much as we can, so we come at night.”
PP laughed hard and said,
“Both of you are drunk or what?”
We talked for a few more minutes and then left, saying, “See you soon.”
It was 9:46 PM., they dropped me home, we shook hands, and then parted ways.
Good night, Readers!
Started writing this blog early in the morning without even brushing my teeth.
Finally, now, I have finished writing.
(The word “mercurial” used here was taken from YouTube while watching, where it was used by the present Union Finance Minister during the Budget Session.)
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