I woke up at five in the morning and sat on my bed for almost thirty minutes. I was not thinking about anything specific, or maybe I was thinking about everything without being able to name a single thought. My body was awake, but my mind felt suspended somewhere between sleep and consciousness. There was no urgency, no emotion, no plan. Just silence and stillness.
When I finally got up, I brushed my teeth and went into the bathroom. Even there, I found myself sitting quietly again, the same way I had earlier. Time passed slowly, almost unnoticed. After finishing my routine, I did a few small things and then sat on the table and chair I had bought last year. Without realizing when or how, I fell asleep once more.
Around eight in the morning, my mother asked me to drop her at her maternal house because there was some work to be done. I did not change my clothes and went out wearing the same outfit from the previous day. Somehow, that did not matter to me at all.
As we started driving, I told my mother that I wanted to take the Lamdeng route instead of the usual Chingmeirong side. She said it was longer and would take more time, but I explained to her gently,
“Ema, we don’t often go together like this. Today, we have time. This route is beautiful, and how many times will I get to drive here with you? This will become a memory.”
She understood and smiled. “Alright,” she said, “let’s go your way.”
She asked how I knew about the place. I told her that I had been there once, on the 9th of this month, and I was completely mesmerized by its beauty. That was why I wanted to show it to her.
She laughed and said, “Now you’ve grown up. You go wherever you want, whenever you want.”
I nodded, smiled, and said nothing.
After passing the Solid Waste Treatment Plant, she said, “This place is so beautiful and peaceful. There are very few people living here.” She also added, " Prakrati na pithorakpa phajabase yam na phajadra, nakan gi labuk manak ta leiriba pukhri se ymna luna nan na na engna phajei, eikhoi romdadi leitare do, Dadu..." . My mother called me Dadu at home.
When we reached Kameng, she told me that she rarely came to this place when she was a child. Today, those old memories seemed to come alive again. After a few more minutes, we reached maternal uncle’s house. I dropped her off, and before leaving, she asked if I would go back the same way we came. She suggested another route(Luwamgshangbam route) that would take less time. I told her that I wanted to return by the same road. I said that it felt more satisfying, more refreshing, and that I wanted to spend some time alone with my thoughts.
Near my uncle’s house, there is a small hotel where I usually eat whenever I visit. I went there and asked if there was anything to eat. The hotel's uncle and his wife looked surprised and asked me, " Kei leirage nang amuk lak labaro, chumna asum lakparo, Mam Ma unaba lak liro, nahan dasu lak am dai ne nangbu, chanabadi am leitare ngasidi cha khakta ngaire". Their questions felt familiar and comforting. I smiled and asked for a cup of tea. We talked for a few minutes, and then I rode back along the same route.
As I rode, my mind wandered.
Questions surfaced - What will I do? What about my career? Where am I heading? These thoughts always seem to appear when I am riding alone.
Without knowing why, I suddenly called my friend BT. He said he was busy, but I called again and asked him to wait near his house so we could meet and eat something together. I told him honestly that I was fed up with daytime lately.
On the way, I noticed a boy walking a long distance because there were no autos available. I stopped and offered him a ride to the parking area. At first, he hesitated, but I insisted. He said he was going to Takyel Polytechnic. When I asked the time, he said it was 10:12 a.m.
“That’s late,” I said with a smile.
“Yes,” he replied.
We talked briefly. He asked my name, and I told him. When I dropped him off, I said goodbye. He thanked me, and we parted ways. I later realized that I had forgotten to ask his name.
After that, I met BT, and we rode through the KBS Langjing CRPF camp route, one of my favorite roads. We ate chapati with dal and had tea at a nearby hotel. Later, we rode around aimlessly, with no destination in mind.
Eventually, we decided to visit our college. There, we met Madam Ragini, a teacher we both admire. We spoke for a few minutes, promised to catch up soon, and left with warm goodbyes.
When I returned home, I felt lazy and lay down on my bed. I opened Spotify and listened to songs like Nongdol, Englaba, Manglan Ama, Thengnarare, Kinaara, Line Without a Hook, Arz Kiya Hai,etc repeatedly. While listening, I started writing this blog around 1:30 p.m.
Feeling sleepy, I saved it as a draft, planning to finish it later.
I resumed writing at 10:00 p.m.(Wednesday), and now it is 12:23 a.m.(Thursday), and I have finally completed it.
Lately, I have been asking myself a question,
Is there a difference between surviving and living ?
Someday, I will think deeply about it and write on that topic too.
Hello, readers.
I hope you are feeling better and finding your own moments of peace day by day.
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